Complete
Photo taken by David Kelly
Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, 1945
Last week I found comfort in the clean funeral home where Grandma Leski last lay in front of us. It was not strange for me to see her softly resting at the front of the room. I needed to spend those five hours near her, sharing stories with friends and family. It was healing to stand and hug and shake hands for half a day. I was grateful to return to her side the next morning and really sob as we said one last prayer and closed her copper casket. I was proud to be a part of her family as I watched the youth in her life carry her coffin to the hearse and drive slowly past her home of over fifty years. I needed to hear her eldest grandson memorialize her at her final resting place. I needed to cry and let my tears hit the dirt under which she would be buried.
Yet, many of us, through out the two days, expressed our feelings of never wanting to be in a funeral home for our final goodbyes. We asked our loved ones to "take the money and throw a party instead." "It's just not me," many of us said. And I agreed. But when I got to thinking about my own death and I couldn't help but wonder what would be best for those still living?
Yes, the Catholic process of mourning the dead can be so traditional and structured it feels impersonal. But I have always found comfort in the rituals. I have always found it easier to move on with the memories of a wake, mass and burial service. I have felt these traditions complete my loved ones journey. Yet, I am not sure what I want for myself.
What do you think?
How do you want us to say goodbye when you die?
posted by dpsinger at 11:09 AM
2 Comments:
hello...i just linked from
swirly girls comments. i
am a graphic designer in
middle indiana and am trying
to work on my painting. christine
is really great and always
very helpful. there is an
illustrator in indy you may want
to check out as well. she is so talented.
www.penelopeillustration.com
i lost my grandma almost three
years ago. we were very close.
and i know what you are saying
about the catholic thing! i
thought it was strange as a child, but find comfort in it as an adult
This is a beautiful story, and I love the quote you started with.
I feel very strongly about not wanting to be buried - I had my will done last year with explicit instructions and I felt so much better when it was finished. Some people wouldn't like to think about their own death, but as much as I want to live my life in a certain way, I want certain things done with me when I die. I think it is important to deal with that so everyone is clear on what your final wishes are.
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